Wait.


From this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else  ~ Sara Groves


Discouragement can be a nasty bitch (pardon the language).  
Sometimes this whole thing is just hard to swallow...and sometimes it just plain sucks. I hate when the feeling of hopelessness rears it's ugly head.

There is frustration in knowing that getting pregnant is completely out of my control - I mean, yes I can do all the "right" things -  I can eat right, exercise (does blogging count as exercise...?), I can take the fertility drugs my doctor prescribes me, stand on my head (it's amazing the ridiculous things you will do) and so on, but no matter what, there is nothing I can do to absolutely ensure it happens and some days that makes me want to give up. 

On the other hand, there is peace in knowing that all I can do right now is give this to the Lord.  He tells us that we are to lay our burdens down at His feet. Why? Because He really truly cares for us and the desires of our hearts.
At church this weekend, my pastor said, "God's delays are not delays of inactivity but delays of preparation."  It reminded me that this "waiting period" is not a waste of time.  I have not been forgotten, as I so often like to accuse God of doing.  God is moving in this. 
A friend of mine reminded me of the quote "strength will rise as we WAIT upon the Lord!" 
Funny thing, I have heard that line many times before but never really took those words in.  As much as I would like to trade in these moments of waiting for actual results, this time is not useless...something that I have to keep telling myself. In this moment, I must keep my heart and mind open to daily blessings, to growth, to being able to encourage others and most importantly, to rely on Him - His timing and His purpose. 
I ask for your prayers as I continue forward. Prayers for perseverance, and that my anxieties and frustrations of the "what ifs", medical bills and discouragement will be outweighed by my trust and thankfulness in the Lord. 

The song I quoted above is perfectly fitting for how I feel right now.  I am in the dark, I have no idea what is next but I trust that He can see the bigger picture, actually I know He can. 

I wish that I had all the answers and knew what was up ahead, but then what would the purpose of Faith be?  
He is listening, He has a plan, He knows the bigger picture and He can see "something else" ~something better than we could ever imagine.  
Amen to that. 


"But God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!" ~ Psalm 66:19-20


...Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go stand on my head...just kidding, I have never actually done that...yet. 


Comments

  1. AnonymousJune 13, 2012 at 7:52 PM

    Ahhh, I so needed to read this today. Thanks for the reminder today. Sincerely grateful for you and praying each day that our time is coming! Stay strong and thanks for your perseverance!

    ReplyDelete

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