Don't Waste The Wait.

In the process
In the waiting
You're making melodies over me
And your presence 
Is the promise
For I am a pilgrim on a journey
~Shepherd (Bethel Music)

In all honesty, the adoption wait has been a little harder on me than I thought it would be. 
After dealing with fertility issues before and after Liam, I thought I had this waiting thing down.  "No biggie, I've done this many times before..." 
I was wrong. 

As I sit here, I think of all the times I've just repeated Psalm 13 in my head:
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?"
And sometimes, on hard days, I still do.  
But as look back over the past couple of years, I see how Jesus has worked on my heart, how He has changed my desires and tuned my heart to His.  Honestly, none of that would have happened without this wait, as He drew me near and as I leaned into Him.
I don't want to waste this wait because, let's be real, none of this is really about me. God is using this for His glory...yes, even this wait. 

Funny side-story on the Lord's changing of my heart:
At our first home-study interview, we were told that if we did happen to get pregnant during the home-study process, we would most likely have to put everything on hold until the baby was 6 months old. Do you know that I actually panicked a bit that I might be pregnant??
Of course, I was not pregnant and would have been totally fine if I was ...but GUYS, I actually freaked out for a bit at the possibility of being pregnant. THAT is how much the Lord has changed my heart. I am just so darn excited about the baby He has hand picked for us, that pregnancy is not even a desire in my heart right now! 
Glory be, He is good. 

Listen, He really does meet us in it all.
Sometimes I'm tempted to get bitter and compare my situation with those around me. Everywhere I look, people are growing their families with ease. But then I'm reminded that Jesus knows me better than anyone else, better than I know myself. He knows what He is doing, and working behind the scenes even if I doubt it sometimes.  
There have been times when I have felt so forgotten only to immediately hear Him whisper, "I see you...I know you."
Our awesome adoption consultant, Katie, reminded me that I don't have to feel bad when weary days creep up.  She told me,  "It's okay to be weary. God knows that some days we will feel like that and so that's why He made a point to speak to that in His Word. Keep clinging to Him!" 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

And she's right, all I can keep doing is clinging to Him.  In fact, I'm sure that's exactly where He wants me. 

I'm excited to start blogging again and to tell the stories of God's faithfulness through our adoption journey ~and there already are so many. 
"Be joyful in hope..." Romans 12:12

Comments

  1. HeidiMarch 17, 2016 at 3:58 PM

    Looking forward to your posts through this process! We will be praying for you guys!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownMarch 22, 2016 at 12:01 AM

    Hello Candice...it looks like our families are on a similar path and we have a Liam too! We are working with Katie and trusting the Lord to adopt domestically a precious little one into our family as well. We have two little boys actually...and yes I do understand the waiting and trusting, as we had infertility to overcome and many years before receiving our first son Isaiah and then 4 more years (and 2 miscarriages as well) before Liam came forth. We began praying about a year ago now to hear from the Lord about adoption, but made the big leap back in October to begin with CAC and home study etc....which looks like when you began too! It took about 3 months to complete our profile and just delivered them out to 4 different destinations with lots of prayer. I wondered when you all sent out your profiles and applications etc. and how long you have been waiting...or where you are at in the steps? I am very thankful for Katie's group on FB so we can get a better idea of where many people are in this process and seeing the beautiful outcomes too. It would be a blessing to connect and share a bit if you did not mind. Shalom in Jesus, Kara

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One of "those"days.

Image
Have you ever had one of "those days"?   We all have. If you say haven't, you're lying, and lying isn't cool.  Being on Clomid can induce "those days" a lot more often (for those of you who don't know what Clomid is - it is a fertility drug...pills, hormones, ovaries, eggs, etc - you get the point.) Anyway, I thought I would illustrate what one of these days can look like...while most are not as dramatic as this one - I just wanted to get the point across. I may or may not have had a day like the one illustrated below... It starts out all fine and dandy. Although you feel like there may be something lurking in the corner of your subconscious, you ignore it and begin your day. The world is your oyster. Life is great!  Then...something happens. It can be big, it can be small. Maybe it is an annoying co-worker who likes to chew loudly in your presence, maybe a grumpy client you have to deal with, perhaps a bad hair day...wh
Read more

Change.

I had a doctor appointment earlier this week to sit down with my doctor and re-assess our "situation".  I left feeling hopeful and encouraged, but also nervous.  We are changing a few things here and there about what we are doing, and change always makes me a bit anxious. You know what else makes me nervous...side effects.  I really have been trying to laugh them off.  I mean, I can usually tell when I am over-reacting to something or being irrational from these meds - like when I spill half the mac n' cheese in the sink while draining the water and almost have a complete meltdown, until Will laughs and says "it's just mac n' cheese hun, it's not the end of the world!" (For those of you who haven't met Will, he is pretty much super amazing...and hott).  Or when I want to punch someone in the face just for breathing too loudly...no worries, I have never physically harmed anyone...just in my head.  Some days  are easier to laugh it off tha
Read more

Dance in the Rain.

Sometimes I am surprised by how strong God thinks I am.  Sometimes I  think that He is mistaken...but He is never mistaken.  He has a plan.   Clearly not the same plan as I had, but a better one - I am sure. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of a TV show...maybe a comedy,  sometimes a drama (I watch a lot of TV).  Usually it's like a comedy, in the sense that  every time I turn around someone is telling me that they are pregnant  or "going off their pill but not trying yet", which only means it's a  matter of time before they too are telling me that they are expecting.  (Let's be honest ladies, as soon as we go off that pill the timeline  gets moved up.)  I hear these words and suddenly the sound of the "Debbie Downer" skit  from SNL comes on "Wah Waaaah" and I want to look up at the sky and  say "Really, God, another one?! Can't I keep ONE friend around that  isn't thinking of having kids right now? I could use a buddy
Read more