Faith Over Fear

It was a hot August morning, so Liam and I decided to head to the splash park. As soon as we got there, I lotion-ed Liam up (in the 5 seconds he stood still before racing to play in the water) and then I got settled in my chair. Adoption and babies had been racing through my mind...I wish I could say it had just been that morning, but in all honestly, it felt consuming for most of the Summer. I had been bringing it to God daily, sometimes hourly (can minute-ly be a word?...) So I sat there, silently praying and asking God some hard questions. And then, I saw it.  The text from our adoption consultant, Katie: "Hey, I have a situation I'd like to talk with you about.  Can I call you in a bit?" Instantly my heart started racing. I immediately responded, "Yes!!" and eagerly awaited her call. She filled me in about a baby that was apparently due any day now and needed a family. There weren't a ton of details known, besides for the expectant-mom claim...

"The enemy hates when Christ loving families adopt..."  This is what we were told when we first started the adoption process, and boy did we feel it.  I kid you not, all at once random (and multiple) car problems occurred, Will and I both had dental emergencies, not to mention our basement had just flooded a couple months earlier and we were still dealing with that...and so on.  It was nuts.   I reached out to a few families who had adopted and asked them if we were stupid to move forward...and one by one they reassured me that this was par for the course.  But again...God met us in each one of those icky situations. He was there when the manager of the auto shop told me what was wrong with my car. Followed by me bursting into tears at the counter. I couldn't hold it in (little did I know it was his first day...I'm sure he'll be telling that story for a while...). He asked me if I was alright and I said, "Yes, I'm so sorry. We just started t...

In the process In the waiting You're making melodies over me And your presence  Is the promise For I am a pilgrim on a journey ~Shepherd (Bethel Music) In all honesty, the adoption wait has been a little harder on me than I thought it would be.  After dealing with fertility issues before  and  after Liam, I thought I had this waiting thing down.  "No biggie, I've done this many times before..."  I was wrong.  As I sit here, I think of all the times I've just repeated Psalm 13 in my head: "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" And sometimes, on hard days, I still do.   But as look back over the past couple of years, I see how Jesus has worked on my heart, how He has changed my desires and tuned my heart to His.  Honestly, none of that would have happened without this wait, as He drew me near and as I leaned into Him. I don't want to waste this wait because, let's be real, none of this is really about ...

My heart is BURSTING just writing this post.  We are so thrilled to announce that Will, Liam and I will be growing our family through domestic adoption!  We can't even express how excited we are to see God work in all of this. Even before Liam was born, adoption was laid on our hearts.  It started as a tiny seed that grew and grew.   I can remember rocking Liam one night and looking at his sweet newborn face thinking, "there are so many children that need homes, a family to call their own and a mommy to rock them."   I felt a tug on my heart then, knowing that this was something the Lord had for us, we just didn't quite know when.  Since that time, we have not been without struggles.  We've experienced 2 miscarriages and a lot of heartache, but God has met us in it all. He's been holding our hands along the way, whispering to us that He has a plan for our family and He is walking this road with us. While yes, we could have gone down t...

Is God good in the absence of things you would define as "good"? Absolutely. Does it always feel that way? Nope. I will be honest and say that I have struggled with this one...sometimes more than I realize. Is God good in the midst of miscarriages, struggles, loss, hardship? This week hit me hard - we bought our first home this past March and then, Monday, our basement flooded.  I was so overwhelmed as it was happening - helpless and nothing we could do to stop it. Honestly, I felt betrayed. I know this sounds dramatic, because it was just water, but this has been a hard year...so bear with me, I'm a bit fragile. I felt betrayed by the house that we bought and love.  I felt betrayed by our sump pump and the water it just couldn't keep up with. But mostly, I felt betrayed by God. "We were finally able to buy a house- why would You bring us to a house that fills with water? That ruins our belongings?" I thought. I even said it out loud to Will.  ...

A few weeks ago I was feeling quite discouraged and just down about some things, while at work.   I don't know about you, but I know that I tend to get caught up in the "whys" of things instead of the "whats" (what can I learn? what can I do to glorify You through this?") This was one of those "why" days.  So I decided to get in my car to get lunch and some fresh air. I drove with the radio silent most of the way but finally decided to turn on the radio  and this is what I heard at that moment.   "There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold And this is going to be a glorious unfolding Just you wait and see and you will be amazed You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over So hold on to every promise God has made to us And watch this glorious unfolding." ~  Glorious Unfolding - Steven Curtis Chapman Wow, was that just what I needed to hear at that exact moment.  It filled my heart with such...

Welcome to the world, little guy. Your Dad and I prayed for you for a long time and now you are in our arms with you sweet little chin dimple, your baby blue eyes, dark mop of hair that smells like heaven and those little hands that I never want to let go of. You are our answered prayer.  You are what makes me want to get up and be a better person each morning. You are the laugh that I can't get enough of, the smile that I will do numerous crazy things just to see a glimpse of, and the reason I bounce around the apartment at 3am just to stop your tears. Your Dad and I promise to raise you as best as we can.  We promise to be examples of Christ's love, grace, mercy and compassion. But we make no promises to be perfect, it's just not possible.  Nor will you ever be perfect. That's just how we came into this world - flawed and broken.  That's what brings us to Christ. He gives us strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. He makes all things new. Our p...