Faith Over Fear

I decided to dust off the blog and share a little more regularly about how adoption has truly changed our lives in the best of ways. To start, I want to share these beautiful words that my husband wrote for Christian Adoption Consultant's Mother's Day series that I hope will be an encouragement to you this week.  To the mother of my children, I think back to the days before we were even married, as we dreamed of what our lives might look like. What we longed for together, what we prayed for as we shared our hearts; ever since you were a little girl you longed to be a mother. To have a family. Little babies to snuggle, tears to wipe dry, and to be the open arms that your children would run to – to be their safe space and source of unconditional love and security. Our journey to becoming a family of four was not one of convention. While we were blessed with your pregnancy and birth of our son after many months of difficulty, a second child biologically just did...

It was a hot August morning, so Liam and I decided to head to the splash park. As soon as we got there, I lotion-ed Liam up (in the 5 seconds he stood still before racing to play in the water) and then I got settled in my chair. Adoption and babies had been racing through my mind...I wish I could say it had just been that morning, but in all honestly, it felt consuming for most of the Summer. I had been bringing it to God daily, sometimes hourly (can minute-ly be a word?...) So I sat there, silently praying and asking God some hard questions. And then, I saw it.  The text from our adoption consultant, Katie: "Hey, I have a situation I'd like to talk with you about.  Can I call you in a bit?" Instantly my heart started racing. I immediately responded, "Yes!!" and eagerly awaited her call. She filled me in about a baby that was apparently due any day now and needed a family. There weren't a ton of details known, besides for the expectant-mom claim...

"The enemy hates when Christ loving families adopt..."  This is what we were told when we first started the adoption process, and boy did we feel it.  I kid you not, all at once random (and multiple) car problems occurred, Will and I both had dental emergencies, not to mention our basement had just flooded a couple months earlier and we were still dealing with that...and so on.  It was nuts.   I reached out to a few families who had adopted and asked them if we were stupid to move forward...and one by one they reassured me that this was par for the course.  But again...God met us in each one of those icky situations. He was there when the manager of the auto shop told me what was wrong with my car. Followed by me bursting into tears at the counter. I couldn't hold it in (little did I know it was his first day...I'm sure he'll be telling that story for a while...). He asked me if I was alright and I said, "Yes, I'm so sorry. We just started t...

In the process In the waiting You're making melodies over me And your presence  Is the promise For I am a pilgrim on a journey ~Shepherd (Bethel Music) In all honesty, the adoption wait has been a little harder on me than I thought it would be.  After dealing with fertility issues before  and  after Liam, I thought I had this waiting thing down.  "No biggie, I've done this many times before..."  I was wrong.  As I sit here, I think of all the times I've just repeated Psalm 13 in my head: "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" And sometimes, on hard days, I still do.   But as look back over the past couple of years, I see how Jesus has worked on my heart, how He has changed my desires and tuned my heart to His.  Honestly, none of that would have happened without this wait, as He drew me near and as I leaned into Him. I don't want to waste this wait because, let's be real, none of this is really about ...

My heart is BURSTING just writing this post.  We are so thrilled to announce that Will, Liam and I will be growing our family through domestic adoption!  We can't even express how excited we are to see God work in all of this. Even before Liam was born, adoption was laid on our hearts.  It started as a tiny seed that grew and grew.   I can remember rocking Liam one night and looking at his sweet newborn face thinking, "there are so many children that need homes, a family to call their own and a mommy to rock them."   I felt a tug on my heart then, knowing that this was something the Lord had for us, we just didn't quite know when.  Since that time, we have not been without struggles.  We've experienced 2 miscarriages and a lot of heartache, but God has met us in it all. He's been holding our hands along the way, whispering to us that He has a plan for our family and He is walking this road with us. While yes, we could have gone down t...

Is God good in the absence of things you would define as "good"? Absolutely. Does it always feel that way? Nope. I will be honest and say that I have struggled with this one...sometimes more than I realize. Is God good in the midst of miscarriages, struggles, loss, hardship? This week hit me hard - we bought our first home this past March and then, Monday, our basement flooded.  I was so overwhelmed as it was happening - helpless and nothing we could do to stop it. Honestly, I felt betrayed. I know this sounds dramatic, because it was just water, but this has been a hard year...so bear with me, I'm a bit fragile. I felt betrayed by the house that we bought and love.  I felt betrayed by our sump pump and the water it just couldn't keep up with. But mostly, I felt betrayed by God. "We were finally able to buy a house- why would You bring us to a house that fills with water? That ruins our belongings?" I thought. I even said it out loud to Will.  ...

A few weeks ago I was feeling quite discouraged and just down about some things, while at work.   I don't know about you, but I know that I tend to get caught up in the "whys" of things instead of the "whats" (what can I learn? what can I do to glorify You through this?") This was one of those "why" days.  So I decided to get in my car to get lunch and some fresh air. I drove with the radio silent most of the way but finally decided to turn on the radio  and this is what I heard at that moment.   "There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold And this is going to be a glorious unfolding Just you wait and see and you will be amazed You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over So hold on to every promise God has made to us And watch this glorious unfolding." ~  Glorious Unfolding - Steven Curtis Chapman Wow, was that just what I needed to hear at that exact moment.  It filled my heart with such...

Welcome to the world, little guy. Your Dad and I prayed for you for a long time and now you are in our arms with you sweet little chin dimple, your baby blue eyes, dark mop of hair that smells like heaven and those little hands that I never want to let go of. You are our answered prayer.  You are what makes me want to get up and be a better person each morning. You are the laugh that I can't get enough of, the smile that I will do numerous crazy things just to see a glimpse of, and the reason I bounce around the apartment at 3am just to stop your tears. Your Dad and I promise to raise you as best as we can.  We promise to be examples of Christ's love, grace, mercy and compassion. But we make no promises to be perfect, it's just not possible.  Nor will you ever be perfect. That's just how we came into this world - flawed and broken.  That's what brings us to Christ. He gives us strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. He makes all things new. Our p...

Dear Mommy Candice (Part 2), Remember when you wrote "Dear Mommy Candice" to the mom you hoped to be one day?...oh yea, you were actually pregnant then and you didn't even know it.  Fooled ya! Good thing you didn't actually go horseback riding and drink that purse full of wine. Remember when you didn't get a positive ovulation test that month and you were kind of ticked off because you felt like you had taken those "evil-twin Candice" inducing meds for no reason?  But then you decided to not be mad about it because then you could just relax that month and know that good ol' aunt flo was coming at the end of the month, without it being a surprised or disappointed.  Well, I'm pretty sure that was God's way of "tricking" you into relaxing and being even more  surprised when you got that positive pregnancy test...God's cool that way (even though you still made Will buy 2 more pregnancy tests, just to confirm that you weren...

Dear Mommy Candice,  It is currently August 1, 2012 and I thought I'd write you so you can look back at this when you are feeding your infant some morning at 3am...and need a little chuckle.  Today I woke up slightly cranky and a bit bitter about the situation I am currently in...but you know what else I did? I slept 8 hours last night...I bet you miss that, don't ya?    You know what I did the other day? Had some wine...remember wine?...Didn't think so.  Wow, it is just so peaceful at home right now, I just love the silence. Oh, what's that? You don't know what silence feels like anymore? I'm sorry.  Is your favorite channel still Food Network or has the TV been taken over by "Baby Einstein DVDs" yet? Remember when your clothes didn't contain remnants of puke and poop? I do.  I'm wearing clean clothes as we speak (minus the brownie crumbs). It's okay, one day your clothes will be clean too, just give it 5 years or so.  ...

I really wish Mondays and I got along...we just don't. Unless I have them off, then we're best friends. (what up, long weekend!) Time for some devotions, sleep and an attitude adjustment.  Here's to a new week! Hope yours is great :)

Last night I found myself desperately searching for the light at the end of the tunnel.  Man,  this thing called life can just be downright hard sometimes. Hope seems to run away from you and you find yourself trying to catch it like a game of "got you last!" One by one it seems that lives change around me and yet I feel like I'm standing still...just watching. I don't want to live in mediocrity. I don't want to be the "blah" feeling I suffered from the past couple days. I want to be filled with passion, filled with joy and on fire for the Lord. Many days I do feel that fire but other days I am like a flickering candle that can barely stay lit in the breeze. I am flimsy, I am weak, I am dim. Why do I let things steal my joy and happiness so easily? I apologize for my depressing rant...self pity is a slippery slope and I decided to jump on it yesterday. It gets better, I swear.  This mornin...

Can we just take a minute to talk about how wonderfully amazing this guy is?  Wow, I am so blessed that God picked me to be his wife.  I don't even know where to begin describing how much this man rocks my world.  I mean, he still gives me butterflies just by holding my hand, I love that!  When I first met him, I knew that there was something special about this guy - his heart was  on fire for the Lord and he wasn't afraid to share it.  He also wasn't afraid to make fun of me which was a plus is my book (if you know me, you have to have a sense of humor to get along with me...no duds allowed!) I couldn't wait for the next time that I would get to see him and spend time with him - I cherished every minute (and still do!) I remember after we got engaged I would cry to my mom, "I just want to get married at the courthouse! I don't care about a wedding, I just want to marry Will!" (dramatic? yes...but I couldn't wait to be his wife!)   ...